Tomorrow, same thing, do the weaning, hopefully it will be longer then 2 hours and now that the Versed will be out of his system for like 24 hours, maybe just maybe he'll be more respondant. Is that a word? I don't know, I don't care.
I had a real crappy day with the "feeling sorry for myself" stuff. Something about the weekends aren't as uplifting as during the week. It was downright depressing day. The hospital lobby even has a certain feel to it that I don't like.
My tummy hurts, thinking stress now. I don't know. I'm so tired. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep until all this is over with. I will try to focus on the positives like the little baby steps that are happening towards his recovery, etc. I am SO BLESSED TO HAVE MY ANGELS, MY FRIENDS, AND MY FAMILY and this I know.
You looked at me with your crystal blue eyes and even tried to say something to me I think. You were very agitated with me I could tell. I tried to comfort you by standing on the step stool, wrapping my arm around your head and looking deep in your eyes. When I start to cry, I look the other way because I don't want you seeing me cry. I need to show you I am OK and strong.
I cried the whole way home. I cried when I walked into this damn empty house. I called Sam home from Kenna's and she heard me crying and came home instead of spending the night with Kenna and Amanda. She is home now and I feel better.
I am not looking forward to tomorrow. I just want to keep curled up all day in bed and not face the day. It's the 4th of July tomorrow and I dread not being able to celebrate it with you. I will be by your side darling. I'm not ready to revel in BBQ's and fireworks without you.
dammit.. I feel like I'm spiraling tonight into a deep one sweety. I need to shake this and get a grip as you would say. I keep telling myself I can't face another night of emptiness and somehow it happens. I will go to bed now, I'm too depressed to visit my friends on Twitter and Facebook. They have been keeping me company these late nights. Please Hugh, I want you back so bad. I am so sad and heartbroken and tears are flowing as I write this. Sam just now came in and wrapped her sweet arms around me as she heard me sobbing. I love you, I need you, I want you home... I am not sure I can endure much more. I love you so much.